Summer Life!

 It has been four months since I have had time to sit and write a blog post. Even now I feel rushed to write something before I move on to the next thing. I look forward to the Fall and the slowing down of life! My summer months consisted of having a yard sale, getting ready for camp, being part of my big brother's wedding, babysitting, and of course entertaining my two kids. We had lots of fun at swim lessons each week, going to beaches with friends, being a small part of River of Life Bible Camp, and enjoyed two weeks of day camp right next door to where we live.It was a crazy, busy, hard, and yet wonderful summer. Along with all the fun, there were trials that at points seemed unbearable. And at times all I could do was cry and ask Jesus to comfort me.
 At one point I wrote the following in my journal, " O Lord, my God! My heart is overwhelmed, my mind is exhausted, my emotions are fried! I need to runaway and hide. I am living in my own strength, I need You. I am so weak and frail! Give me wisdom, give me patience, and above all love and gentleness!"
 Do you ever have those times in your life that you know you are living in your own strength? I do! I have days that are overwhelming. I have days that things are asked of me that I know I don't have the strength to do. I have days that I just want to runaway and start over somewhere else, because the circumstances of that day are to much to bear.
 Another time this summer I wrote, " I feel like my heart is dying." I later said to a friend, "all I can do is trust God with my heart!" Have you ever had those days when the hurt and the pain are more than you can bear? I do! Sometimes the things God allows in our lives hurt really bad.
  I love how David all throughout the Psalms cries out to God during his trials of life. While Saul is seeking to kill him, he looks to God. When his wives are taken captive, he looks to God. When the enemy is bearing down hard on him, he looks to God. What is so awesome about David looking to God, is that God always comes through. God always gives wisdom. God always brings comfort. God always brings peace. God always gives the ability to love and be gentle.
 So I can say that this summer was a lot of fun, but I can also say it was really hard. But the most amazing thing about my summer was that when it was really hard and I looked to Jesus, He gave me peace like never before and He gave me a calmness to walk through what He was asking me to do! This is no pat on the back for me, this is all praise and glory to Jesus, because without him I would have runaway and started over somewhere else!

Is That You, God?

 Do you ever have those days when you struggle to hear God's voice, because all you can hear are other peoples voices in your head? It seems lately that I am hearing so many other peoples voices as to what I should or shouldn't be doing and I am hearing less of what God wants. This makes me very weary!
 The first two months of the year I found myself very content with life. Life was simple, not to busy and not to slow. I had many talks with God and life was just going along. Then March came and BOOM!!!! Life spun out of control. And my simple life has become my crazy life. What I have not quite figured out is how to have a crazy life and still be me and still have that close relationship with God. I went from really hearing His voice daily to wondering if it is His voice I hear or someone else's. Maybe I am the only one whoever gets this way, but somehow I doubt it.
 One thought that I have had is that I feel very judged by others. I often feel like when people ask you about your life and you tell them about it, that there first reaction is to tell you how you are doing it wrong. Ok, thanks, that is just exactly what I needed to hear! My life is going 100 miles an hour and now you want to tell me that I should be going 110. Thanks that is just exactly what I need! So often I feel like I cannot meet others expectations. This makes me very irritable and weepy. I recently had someone approach me and while this person was walking towards me I thought, " Lord, I am so tired and overwhelmed. If this person asks me to do something else I might flip a lid." Not a good attitude at all. This was a good wake up call for me. How awful is it that I would feel this way. Who have I become?
 Who I realize I have become is what I have allowed myself to become. I have allowed the expectations of others to make me who I am. I have gotten so caught up in the busyness of life, that I have stopped listening to God's voice and instead I am listening to the voices of everyone else. I Corinthians 7:19b-20 says, " But what matters is, the keeping of the commandments of God. Each man must remain in that condition in which he was called." What matters most is keeping God's commandments. So it doesn't matter if someone else thinks I should stay home and clean my house, or if I should be out visiting, or if I should be homeschooling my children, or if I should be doing more ministry, or whatever else it might be. What matters is God's commandments and staying where I am called. What sweet freedom that is. Let me tell you, I am weary. I am oh, so weary of trying to live the way that everyone else thinks I should.
 A very dear Aunt of mine came to visit me last weekend. She is one of the kindest, most loving people I know. She reminded me that I am not called to do whatever everyone around me thinks I should do. I am called to do what God wants. God doesn't want me to feel overwhelmed and distraught in life and if I do then there is a problem. The problem is not everyone around me. I know that they are all well intended people and many of them do not know or understand what is already on my plate. No, the problem is me. I have allowed these voices to dictate my actions. I have busied myself to the point that I have stopped hearing God's voice. All I can say is," I am sorry Lord, please forgive me and thank you for showing your grace once again so I could see this in myself."
 One more thought I would leave with you today. I think this lesson has also showed me how I myself so quickly pass judgement on someone else's life. I so quickly want to say that they are doing too much or not enough, without just loving them. Sometimes we just need to listen to people and let their voices be heard and keep our own voice quiet. My dear friend, today I challenge myself and also you to just listen to others and not put own two cents worth in unless they ask us for it. Instead of critiquing what they say, let us just show love and support to them. Maybe they do not have it all figured out yet, but neither do we!

A Mother's Heart!

 Tonight I want to just sit and cry. I am feeling, oh so very, sentimental. My children will be 4 and 6 in June, time flies. I have two friends who just had babies in the last couple of weeks. One was born ten weeks early, weighing in at 1lb. 11oz. A miracle he truly is. I saw him for the first time today. His hands are so tiny, about the size of a dime. His little eyes are just slits when he opens them. His mouth is the tiniest thing I have ever seen. So amazing to see him! So amazing to see how God has perfectly formed him! How precious his little life is!
 My other friend, whose baby will be two weeks old tomorrow, just found out yesterday that her little girl has down syndrome. Life changing for sure! My heart breaks for my friend. Some say that God doesn't give us more than we can handle, I do not agree. I believe that He gives us more than we can handle so that we will go to Him for help. He is the only one who can handle anything!
 So tonight as I put my kids to bed, I thought how simple my life is. I have two children who came into this world with barely any complications. We live a very healthy life. We love each other. We are warm and well fed. As I tucked my little prince and my little princess into bed tonight I thought to myself how fast it is all going by. I quite often say to them, " can I keep you forever?" They always say yes! I know that this is not true though. I know that someday they will grow up and make lives of their own, but for tonight we can pretend that we will always be together!!!

Words That Cause Destruction!

" But no one can tame the tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both blessings and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be this way. Does a fountain send out from the same opening both fresh and bitter water? Can a fig tree, my brethren, produce olives, or a vine produce figs? Nor can salt water produce fresh."

James 3:8-12

 Today my heart hurts for people who have been damaged by other's tongues. Tongues are so very powerful and so easily speak words that we can never be taken back.We use words to encourage others, we use words to teach others, we use words to love others and sometimes we use words to damage others. Words are easily said and impossible to take back.

 I want to share part of a  personal story with you. Not so long ago I had a very good friend. We shared a lot of life together. We encouraged each other spiritually. We laughed together. We ate together. We were thankful for each other. Then things changed and hurt came. Words were said that ruined what we had.

 Psalm 41:9 says, "Even my close friend in whom I trusted, who ate my bread, has lifted up his heel against me." Boy, do I ever relate to this verse! These words that were said didn't just destroy our friendship, they also destroyed me. I spent many weeks crying to God asking Him if this was true of me. Asking Him to change me. What I didn't realize had happened was that I had put more faith in what this person thought of me than what God really thought of me.

 Psalm 41:10 says, "But you, O Lord, be gracious to me and raise me up!" At this point in the relationship only God can lift me up.The words had been said, the damage has been done and there is no taking it back.
We can ask for forgiveness and we can forgive, but the hurt is still there and sometimes we still distrust. There is no easy fix, it takes time and it takes work to keep moving through it. Maybe over time it becomes less hurtful and maybe even overtime it can be forgotten, but it takes work. I so often feel like those who cause the damage think that a few nice words fix the problem, they don't. It takes time and it takes work. It takes more than just a few nice words, it takes a lot of nice words and a lot of effort to rebuild what was destroyed so quickly.

 Psalm 41:11,12 says, " By this I know that You are pleased with me , because my enemy does not shout in triumph over me. As for me, You uphold me in my integrity, and you set me in Your presence forever." 
 I am far from perfect and I am not so proud to admit that I have not hurt others with my words. I know I have. I know I am just as guilty as the next person. I simply share part of this story with you so that you can stop and think about what you choose to say before you say it and think of the impact those word might have on the other person. Words that you say in anger can never be taken back and it might take a lifetime to rebuild what you destroy in only a moment. Trust me there is no judgement from me, there is only hurt. There is only One who can heal the hurt and there is only One who can help me to move on and trust again!

The Commander of the Storm!

 I seem to have fallen behind in my Bible reading, I am attempting to read through the Bible in a year. I say attempting because I have tried and tried and tried before and have never had success. So here I am trying again!  The last few weeks have been busy with wedding plans for my brother's wedding, a conference that I cook for and help my husband put on for children's workers in the central Maine area, and I also came down with the flu. So because of all of those things I just have not been able to keep up with all my reading, so today I am trying to do some catch up.
 Today as I was reading I was asking God to speak to me, to give me new clarity, to teach me, to draw me closer to Himself! I was reading Mark 3-6, specifically today. It was at the end of Mark 6 that God spoke to me. Verses 45-52, tell the story of how Jesus had sent His disciples out on a boat, while He went up on the mountain to pray.  Evening came and the disciples were out in the middle of the sea and Jesus it says," was alone on the land." Jesus watches them and sees that they are struggling with the oars because the wind is against them. So Jesus decides He will test their faith and He walks out on the water with the wind against Him and stands on the water by the boat. The disciples saw Him and they thought He was a ghost and they were terrified. Immediately, Jesus spoke to them  and said," Take courage, it is I, do not be afraid." Then He got into the boat with them and the wind stopped and they were astonished.
 What is even more significant about this story is that early the same day Jesus' had multiplied five loaves of bread and two fish to feed  thousands of people. I mean how many people do you know who can do that? Only God could do that! Here they were several hours later astonished that Jesus could walk on water and stand there in front of them. Verse 52 says," they had not gained any insight from the incident of the loaves, but their heart was hardened." It seems sad to me that their hearts were hardened. I mean these were the men that had been following Him for awhile now, they had witnessed other miracles and yet they had forgotten what Jesus could do.
 Two things I take away from this. One how easily I forget what Jesus is capable of doing. I forget what He has brought me through and I forget to notice Him at work in my everyday life. I so easily get caught up in the everyday life, that I do not always see the miracles around me!
 The second thing that I take away from this is when the storms of life come, and they sure do come, I forget that Jesus is right there. The storm is blowing all around me and I wonder "where are you Jesus?" And all the time He is right there and when He speaks to me and I see Him, the storm seems to settle. Maybe it is still blowing around on the outside, but on the inside there is peace. There is peace because He is there! Because    Jesus commands the storm and there is no safer place to be in the middle of a storm then with the One who is controlling it!

Love is.......!

" Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it's own, is not provoked; does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails!"

I Corinthians 13:4-8a

I am sure that everyone has heard these verses before, especially at weddings! We all love the idea of love being all these things. We often hold our spouse and those that are close to us accountable to these standards of love. Recently I have been quite challenged in my own heart about the way that I love others. I so often find myself being inpatient, unkind, jealous, acting unbecomingly, seeking my own way, provoked, harboring hurts, and so on and so on. 

 When I was growing up I had several girl friends that were close to my age. When we were 5 and 6 years old we all played together and enjoyed each other. A few years went by and that seemed to change. It was all about being best friends and you could only have one best friend. And if you didn't watch out your best friend could be stolen from you and you have to find a new one. It was a vicious game that as small girls we played. Our poor mothers probably didn't know what to do with us.We didn't learn until we were teenagers that we could all get along and we didn't have to have exclusive best friends.As I think back to this time in my life I see some humor in it, but it also makes me very sad. As young girls we wasted so much time competing with one another. It also makes me sad because even as a young adult female I see this still going on. Sadly I see so much of it in the "Christian world."

 I am not sure what it is like for a man, but I know for women it can be very difficult for us to treat each other with this kind of true love. We say that we love each other to each others faces, but then we act differently when the other one is not around. We speak unkindly about each other, we are so often jealous of one another. We are not patient with each others struggles and instead tear each other apart at the first sign of weakness. We want it our way when the other one disagrees with us. We say we will bear each others trails and endure life together, but when it comes right down to it we are only going to stick with you as long as you agree with us. 

 What a sad scenario we have so often created. I wonder what the "world" would think of us if we really loved each other. There is a song that says "They will know we are Christians by our love." Sadly I wonder if  the opposite is really the truth, they know we are Christians because of the way we devour each other. Today I pray that God will stop me from devouring other believers and help me to love them where they are at. Maybe the other person is wrong, maybe I am the one that is right, but I need to let God deal with their heart. I am responsible to be patient, kind, not jealous, not arrogant, not seeking my own, not provoked, not recording wrongs done to me, not rejoicing in unrighteousness, believes, hopes and endures the truth, and always loving to my fellow brother or sister in the Lord!

The Power of Pain!

 Last evening my husband was gone to a meeting, the kids and I were home. We had a a fun evening of reading, playing games and watching a little movie. It was time for bed and so off they went to get ready. I read them a couple of books and then began to pray with them. While I was praying my son begins to cry. I asked him why he was crying and he said, "I don't know I just love Jesus so much!" My heart was sad and glad all at the same time. I hate to see my children cry and yet this was amazing to see how soft his heart was to God. This is the boy who was born very strong willed. He was miserable to potty train. He told us, at the age of three, that he would poop on the floor, but not on the potty. I can laugh about it now, but then I was so frustrated. I remember one time he was sitting on the potty, and was his determined self, refusing to use it. I began to cry and said to God what am I to do with this child. If I cannot get him to use the potty how will I be able to get him through much harder things in life. So many times I have prayed these words to God. How will I be able to reach this child's heart. And then God just does it! My son is breaking, his strong will is fading and I am amazed at how God is doing it. Trust me it is not because of me, it is only God.
 A year ago my husband and I decided to put our son in public school. It is a decision that did not come easy and forces us to our knees very often. We felt like our children needed to learn to live in the world while they were still under our roof. I knew that sending him to public school would mean that he would learn things that I did not want him to learn. I knew he would learn about false religion, I knew he would learn some swears, and I knew that he would learn about sex a lot sooner than I really wanted him to. But we strongly felt God telling us to put him in public school, as opposed to Christian School or Home School.
 Over the last few months my heart has hurt and cried out to God. My son has come home with new words that we do not use, new attitudes that we do not have and has leaned the male and female body part names. Before you think it is all bad let me say that he has also learned how to read and write and count, so I can't say it is all bad. I think as a parent it is only natural to want to protect your child from sinfulness and hurt. We want our children to never experience pain and sorrow. The question that I want to ask is Does God do this with us? We are his children and does he always protect us from pain and sorrow? If your answer is yes I am amazed, because it was not this way for my life.
 As a teenager I went through a very painful experience. I knew Jesus as my Savior, but He did not stop this from happening to me. He allowed it to take place. Some would say we live in a fallen world and we cannot expect everything in life to go smoothly. I agree to a point, but let me tell you why I think God allowed this to happen to me. I believe that God loves me and that He wants me to grow closer to him and to trust Him more. When this happened in my life I was devastated! I felt helpless and there was no one to help me. I did know if I could trust God because I felt like He had let me down because my perfect little world had been disturbed. I thought that if you were a Christian that things would be perfect and they were for so many years. It was through this painful experience that my faith grew like never before. It forced me to go to God and work it out. It forced me to learn to forgive and give grace to others.
 So many years have gone by and I look back and tell the story with tears in my eyes still. I share the story with people not because I hate God for allowing it, but because I love Him more for allowing it. I am thankful for all He taught me through it and is still teaching me.I often wonder if my faith would have become genuine had I not gone through what I did. I am thankful that God did not protect me from the hurt, but instead walked with me through it.
 This is what I think for my kids. I don't want to protect them from the hurt and the pain that God might allow them to go through so that they can be closer to Him. I think as parents this is difficult, but last night I saw the blessing of letting my kids experience a little pain. Since my son started school we have had the opportunity to really teach life lessons to him. We have watched as his once so strong willed heart has softened to us and more importantly to God.
 I know that there are many arguments for how we should school our children in the Christian world. I do not write this to state my argument, nor do I wish to entertain arguments about such things. I simply share this as my life experience I pray that it might encourage you today that it is not always a bad thing to experience pain if it brings us closer to God! We all experience pain in this world, it is up to us what we choose to do with it. We can harbor bitterness and a resentful spirit inside of us or we can choose to go to God with it and allow him to heal us and teach us!

Wounds that need a Healer!

 Have you ever had one of those cuts that is so deep that it takes a long time to mend or maybe a broken bone that takes a long time to heal. When I was ten years old I broke my right hip. I was riding my bike to school when I hit a bump and lost control of my bike and landed at the bottom of a hill in extreme pain. Even though this was more than 20 years ago I still remember the pain. I think this is why I am such a baby about pain today! My mother took me to the hospital and after x-rays and what seemed like a very long wait the doctor came in to tell us I had a broken hip and that I would need surgery immediately. Some time later I woke up in a recovery room with three screws in my hip.

 My mother had to home-school me for a couple of months because the doctor did not want me going to school and risking another fall. I walked with crutches for three months or so and then I went to a cane for a few more months. I was so happy to go back to school and be with my friends! A year after my accident I had to have another surgery where they removed the screws from my hip. When they went to prep me for surgery they had hoped that they could make an incision where they had a year before to remove the screws, but they couldn't they had to make a new cut because I had grown and my skin had grown along with me. So now I have two rather large scars on the top on my right leg.

 When I think back to this situation I am reminded that just like a bone that is broken takes time to mend, so do wounds to our hearts. I don't know about you, but when I have been hurt I don't just wake up the next morning feeling lucky ducky! I hurt, I cry, I pray! I do this day after day after day! I beg God to take away my pain and to heal me! Sometimes it is only takes a few days, sometimes it takes weeks or even months for my soul to be healed.

 I share this because maybe you are like me and I want to say to you never give up. Always believe that God will bring complete healing. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow, but it will come. And just like my body had grown in a year while my hip healed, I am reminded that my soul always grows while the Lord is healing it. When I choose to give my hurt to God I always end up stronger! I always end up with more faith in God and less faith in myself. I always end up receiving a whole lot of grace and learning to give grace where it is needed. So even though the wound was hard to bear I can say that after it is healed I am better than I was before I was ever wounded!

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

A time to remember!

 I try to keep a personal journal, I don't write in it everyday but at least once a month. Mostly I am writing to God in it or I may write about something that happened in my life that I don't want to forget about. Every month I like to go back and read what I wrote the year before or even the year before that. I like to see where I have been and how I have changed or grown in my walk with the Lord.

  Today I decided to look back to what I had written two years ago in February. These are some thoughts that I had written down that I was glad I had to read again.

 I John 1:5 "God is light and in Him is no darkness."
"So if God is light, He cannot think evil thoughts towards me, because that would be darkness. The truth is if God says He loves me than He loves me. He has never hated me, he has never rejected me, he has never let me down. "

 It is so good to remember this,because in this world we all suffer hurt. We all feel unloved by times. We all feel hated by times. We all feel rejected by times. But with God this is never true. Even at my worst God says He loves me and that He will always be with me.

 This was something else that I had written. "The more I am ok with my imperfections, realizing that I am not going to do things perfectly, the more I enjoy my relationship with God."

 I spent many years feeling like Christianity was all about doing the right thing, I only ended up wasting so many years trying to earn God's favor. It is not about what I have done, but what Christ has done. I actually got to a point in my relationship with God that I did not even enjoy it anymore. It was sad! I am thankful for His saving Grace. He rescued me and I love Him!

 This gives me great hope that He is not done with me yet. He has so much more for me to learn about Him. Who knows where I will be in another two years, but I am so thankful for what He has taught me in these last two. He is ever loving, ever patient, and ever faithful!

And the winner is......!

 As a young girl I remember that feeling of wanting to be as good or better at the things my friends were good at. I was not a tomboy, but I had a friend that was. She was so good at sports and making new friends and I was not. I was quiet and bashful! I was not all that athletic, but because my friend liked sports and could do well at them I tried. I tried softball, not such a good idea, if you are afraid of the ball hitting you. Haha!! I tried cross country, but I was almost always in last place. I tried tennis and actually really liked it, but not sure if I was really any good at it. Finally in High School I found my sport, I played volleyball and loved it. I was even pretty good at it, but a lot of my other friends were better at it than me. I remember feeling like "I wish I could be the star. I wish that people would think that I am the best player on the team."

 Now, of course, all that seems so silly. We were a team and we all played well, after all there is no "I" in team!!! Now I find myself at a different place in life. It is not about softball, cross country, tennis, or even volleyball anymore. It is about being a wife, mother, and child of God. I find myself still in the same predicament as earlier in my life. I am still competing in my head to be the best. I want everyone to look at me and say she is a great wife and loving mother and is the perfect child of God. But this my dear friend is only pride!

 God has called us to love one another and encourage one another. Not fight for 1st place, be willing to humble ourselves so that God would get all glory.

 Today I was reading in Genesis the story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. The sisters were always competing with one another. They despised one another. the sad part about it to me is that before they were Jacob's wives they were sisters. Maybe they never got along I don't know, but their jealousy of each other only destroyed their sisterhood. When I read this I thought, isn't that what I do with my competitive attitude? Am I only destroying the sisterhood that I have in Christ? God has blessed me with women and men in my life who are my spiritual sisters and brothers. He has given them to me to love and to encourage, not to compete with! He has given them to me so that I do not have to walk through this journey alone. Competition only destroys what the Lord has given me. I don't always see eye to eye with my fellow believers, but God says put aside your differences and focus on me and what I have for you. This journey is to difficult to do it alone, we need each other and we need to keep our focus on God.

 Today, my sisters and brothers in Christ, let us not compete with one another, but let us love and encourage one another. Let us be a team that together brings honor and glory to the Lord! Together we are stronger, together we can accomplish much in this world!

You........!!!!

" We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things."

I John 3:19,20

  My children will by times run through the house calling each other names, like you poopy face or you diaper. Don't ask me where they came up with these names because I have no idea. The younger one will almost always come to me and say he called me a ........! Usually I will say to her well, are you a .........? The answer of course is no, so I tell her that she needs to just ignore him and he will stop calling her that. Boys for some reason think it is funny to call others names. They don't really think that about the person they just think it is funny or so I am told. 

  These last few days I have been thinking about this scenario in my own life. I often feel like the choices I made or that people in my family made in the past define who I am. I am very self conscience about what people think of me and will spend days, weeks, and sometimes even months stressing about what I think other people perceive about me. Almost a year ago I had a really embarrassing moment that even to this day I will spend time being anxious  about. We were visiting a church in the area and the guest speaker pointed at me in the crowd and asked me a question, which I had no answer for. I felt so stupid, here I am the visiting missionary wife and I had no answer. I felt like everyone in the room must think I am stupid as well. To this day when I see people from that church I have anxiety over that situation. Thankfully I know the people in the church pretty well and they were all very gracious with me and even helped me find some humor in it.

  I tell you this story about me because it is a huge part of my life. By times I think it is all in the past and I am over it. I spend days working through it with God and find healing, but then something happens or I see someone and it triggers it all again. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Today as I was sitting and thinking why does this have to get to me every time and what is it God that you are trying to tell me I heard him say, "Well, are you.......?" 

  Some days I say the wrong thing and some days I do the wrong thing. I make bad choices or bad mistakes, but it does not define who I am. God defines who I am! I am His Child, His Princess. He says He loves me even when I feel so unlovable. He says I am beautiful even though I feel so ugly. He says that I am unique even though I feel like I need to be someone else. So today I am thankful that even though in my head I think and feel all those things, God does not think that about me!

Grace so Amazing!

 "Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,and therefore He waits on high to have  compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him. O people in Zion, inhabitant  in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it,  He will answer you."

Isaiah 30:18,19

  Isn't it encouraging that today even though we may have already screwed up and done the wrong thing that God is waiting to be gracious with us and show us compassion. He promises that when we call out to Him, He will hears us  and He will answer us!

  Everyday I fail, everyday I make mistakes, and everyday that I forget that I have made a mistake my children usually remind me that I have! For instances, the other day, in a very gentle and sincere voice my son says to me "Mommy you get frustrated with people a lot!" Yikes that one hurt! But he is right, I do, and it is not right. So he and I talked about it and I had to apologize to my son. Afterwards I thought, wow, I really have a problem here! If  my five year old is seeing it and he is confronting me about it maybe I should listen. But you know I know that I cannot change this part of me on my own. I try, but I need help. I need a loving God to forgive me. I need a loving God to remind me that I did it again. I need a loving God to stop me before I even start. That is what God promises to do for us. He promises us grace and compassion when we call out to Him.

  I hope that today you find grace and compassion in the Lord! 

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I John 1:9

  

Growing Pains!

  My five year old is taller than all the other kids in his class. When he was born he was this long skinny little boy. People used to ask me if he was a preemie because he was so skinny. He wasn't a preemie and he ate all the time, it's just how God made him. All the other babies his age were rounder then him and when people used to say he was skinny I wanted to say " no, it is just that your baby is fat!" Of course I did not say that to them, just to myself and well perhaps my husband when I was really irritated and wanted to vent. Now he is nearly six years old and he is still taller and skinnier than almost all the other kids his age. When he grows his legs hurt, often at bedtime or during the night he will come get me and ask for some medicine. This will last for a couple of weeks and then he ends up a little taller and pain free.
  My sons growing pains remind me of my walk with the Lord. The Lord loves us to much to leave us where we are at, is what I have recently been challenged with. As I wrote a few days ago I struggle with faith. Perhaps more than I should. I know what the Bible says and I think in my head that it is all true, but yet do a really believe it by the way that I live and by what I say. The past couple of days I have been struggling in my head with certain life problems. I think God why don't you just take care of this, what is it You are trying to teach me.When will you just answer my prayer already. You said ask and it shall be given to you. So I have asked why are you not giving it to me. Hello, God it is me, your servant asking for a little help.
  So today I open up to do some Bible reading and wouldn't you know God had something to say to me.There is this story about a Gentile woman in Matthew 15:21-28. This woman came to Jesus asking him to heal her daughter, who was demon possessed. At first Jesus ignores her, she then pleads with him again. The disciples want Jesus to send her away, but instead Jesus engages with her. He says in vs.24 " I was sent only to the lost sheep of the house of Israel." The woman came and bowed before Jesus and begged him to help her. And He says to her in vs.26 " Is it not good to take the children's bread and throw it to the dogs?" The woman replies "Yes, Lord, but even the dogs feed on the crumbs which fall from the master's table." Jesus says to her " O woman, your faith is great, it shall be done for you as you wish."
  I am amazed by this story. This woman believed with all her heart that Jesus was the only on who had the power to heal her daughter. She had no power, doctors had no power, nobody, but Jesus. As I read this I thought wow, ok Lord that really hurts. I say that I believe You are the only one, but when times get tough and it seems that You are not doing anything I look to myself or to someone else to solve it.
  I so easily become impatient and want to find another way to take care of my problem, but really He is the only one who can solve it. So maybe what I need to learn through this trial is to keep asking and to keep believing He is the only one who can do it. There is no short cut and there is no easy resolution. Instead I have to grow up a little more and it is going to hurt a little or perhaps a lot before it is all said and done! But I have to chose to believe that He is the only one who can do it!

Forgiveness!

  So I am the mom of two children. A boy who is 5 years old and a girl who is 3 years old. My 5 year old was born practically running. He is a bundle of energy and keeps me on my toes. One goal in parenting that I have is to help my children to think through their decisions. So instead of just disciplining and moving on I tend to make my children tell me why they chose to do what they did and help them to think of ways to not do it again. So the other day my son comes home from school and we are sitting at the table having a snack when he tells me that he got in trouble at lunchtime. "Oh yeah", I say, "what happened?" He tells me that a boy in his class dared him to throw a straw on the floor and apparently one of the teachers caught him doing just that and made him sit at a table by himself. He then told me about his plan to get even with the boy who dared him. In my head I thought isn't that how we all are. Someone has wronged us and we are going to get even. They need to learn their lesson after all! I, of course, did not tell him to do that. Instead we talked about how in life their are always people who want to get the other person in trouble and so when we are dared to do something we need to stop and think if doing it is a good idea or not. As an almost 33 year old woman I struggle with this some many times. I want to lash back at those who hurt me. I want them to come crying to me for forgiveness ( a little vicious, I know! But it is the truth). And yet  I have to take it to God and say I am just as evil as they are. I hurt others and I am not better than the one who hurt me. I have to choose to forgive and it is not always easy. It takes me a long time to forget the wrongs done to me and so therefore I have to go to God a lot and ask Him to help me forgive.

Time to be Honest!

  " O Lord, You have searched me and known me"

Psalm 139:1

  For most of my 33 years of life I had lived a life of hiding behind religion.I had not wanted to be honest about my real thoughts and feelings for fear of being judged or thought of as non spiritual. I feel like I lived a lie! Through all those years God has known me and I sought to only hide my true thoughts and feelings, and to lead others to believe well of me. My purpose in writing this blog is to be honest and transparent. I love the Lord and I know that He loves me. I struggle in life just like everyone else. I don't always understand why God allows us to go through certain things and I don't think that there is always an easy answer. I  believe that when we are honest with ourselves and take those hard questions to God and ask Him to help us He will. He already knows what we are thinking or what we have done, He is waiting for us to come to Him!

God are you really there?

And you know in all your hearts and in all your souls that not one word of all the good words which the Lord your God spoke concerning you has failed; all have been fulfilled for you, not one of them has failed.

Joshua 23:14b

  

  Do you ever have times in your life when you wonder if God really has your best interest at heart? Do you ever wonder is He going to fail me? I recently read the above verse and was thankful for the reminder that God always does what he says He will do. He is always faithful. He always has our best interest at heart. Sometimes it is hard to believe that when you are going through a particularly difficult time. 

  2012 was a difficult year for our family. It brought financial difficulties for our family. It also forced us to deal with difficult relationships with other people. Quite honestly, I have wondered by times," Do you really love me God, do you really have something good in all of this for us?" Just this week I have been talking to God about all of this. I have been asking him to speak to my heart, comfort me , and remind me of what is true. The enemy seeks to devour me in my weakest time, when I doubt the truth. Yesterday as I was talking with God I asked that He would give me a truth from His Word that I could hold onto. My scripture reading lead me to Joshua 23. God gave me this verse to hold onto. I am so thankful for how good God is. I am thankful that what He says he will do, He does. I am thankful that I do not have to live a life of doubt. I know that God does love me and has my best interest at heart.

  I also know that when I wake up tomorrow I might doubt these things again. I am not perfect and it seems that my memory is failing me more than usual,( I blame that on the kids!) I tend to forget  what God has already taught me. I so often am like the Israelite and I forget what God has brought me through. God reminded them through the retelling of their story of what He had done for them. He reminds me the same way, through the truths in His Word and through the reminder of what He has already brought me through.