You........!!!!

" We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things."

I John 3:19,20

  My children will by times run through the house calling each other names, like you poopy face or you diaper. Don't ask me where they came up with these names because I have no idea. The younger one will almost always come to me and say he called me a ........! Usually I will say to her well, are you a .........? The answer of course is no, so I tell her that she needs to just ignore him and he will stop calling her that. Boys for some reason think it is funny to call others names. They don't really think that about the person they just think it is funny or so I am told. 

  These last few days I have been thinking about this scenario in my own life. I often feel like the choices I made or that people in my family made in the past define who I am. I am very self conscience about what people think of me and will spend days, weeks, and sometimes even months stressing about what I think other people perceive about me. Almost a year ago I had a really embarrassing moment that even to this day I will spend time being anxious  about. We were visiting a church in the area and the guest speaker pointed at me in the crowd and asked me a question, which I had no answer for. I felt so stupid, here I am the visiting missionary wife and I had no answer. I felt like everyone in the room must think I am stupid as well. To this day when I see people from that church I have anxiety over that situation. Thankfully I know the people in the church pretty well and they were all very gracious with me and even helped me find some humor in it.

  I tell you this story about me because it is a huge part of my life. By times I think it is all in the past and I am over it. I spend days working through it with God and find healing, but then something happens or I see someone and it triggers it all again. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Today as I was sitting and thinking why does this have to get to me every time and what is it God that you are trying to tell me I heard him say, "Well, are you.......?" 

  Some days I say the wrong thing and some days I do the wrong thing. I make bad choices or bad mistakes, but it does not define who I am. God defines who I am! I am His Child, His Princess. He says He loves me even when I feel so unlovable. He says I am beautiful even though I feel so ugly. He says that I am unique even though I feel like I need to be someone else. So today I am thankful that even though in my head I think and feel all those things, God does not think that about me!