Last evening my husband was gone to a meeting, the kids and I were home. We had a a fun evening of reading, playing games and watching a little movie. It was time for bed and so off they went to get ready. I read them a couple of books and then began to pray with them. While I was praying my son begins to cry. I asked him why he was crying and he said, "I don't know I just love Jesus so much!" My heart was sad and glad all at the same time. I hate to see my children cry and yet this was amazing to see how soft his heart was to God. This is the boy who was born very strong willed. He was miserable to potty train. He told us, at the age of three, that he would poop on the floor, but not on the potty. I can laugh about it now, but then I was so frustrated. I remember one time he was sitting on the potty, and was his determined self, refusing to use it. I began to cry and said to God what am I to do with this child. If I cannot get him to use the potty how will I be able to get him through much harder things in life. So many times I have prayed these words to God. How will I be able to reach this child's heart. And then God just does it! My son is breaking, his strong will is fading and I am amazed at how God is doing it. Trust me it is not because of me, it is only God.
A year ago my husband and I decided to put our son in public school. It is a decision that did not come easy and forces us to our knees very often. We felt like our children needed to learn to live in the world while they were still under our roof. I knew that sending him to public school would mean that he would learn things that I did not want him to learn. I knew he would learn about false religion, I knew he would learn some swears, and I knew that he would learn about sex a lot sooner than I really wanted him to. But we strongly felt God telling us to put him in public school, as opposed to Christian School or Home School.
Over the last few months my heart has hurt and cried out to God. My son has come home with new words that we do not use, new attitudes that we do not have and has leaned the male and female body part names. Before you think it is all bad let me say that he has also learned how to read and write and count, so I can't say it is all bad. I think as a parent it is only natural to want to protect your child from sinfulness and hurt. We want our children to never experience pain and sorrow. The question that I want to ask is Does God do this with us? We are his children and does he always protect us from pain and sorrow? If your answer is yes I am amazed, because it was not this way for my life.
As a teenager I went through a very painful experience. I knew Jesus as my Savior, but He did not stop this from happening to me. He allowed it to take place. Some would say we live in a fallen world and we cannot expect everything in life to go smoothly. I agree to a point, but let me tell you why I think God allowed this to happen to me. I believe that God loves me and that He wants me to grow closer to him and to trust Him more. When this happened in my life I was devastated! I felt helpless and there was no one to help me. I did know if I could trust God because I felt like He had let me down because my perfect little world had been disturbed. I thought that if you were a Christian that things would be perfect and they were for so many years. It was through this painful experience that my faith grew like never before. It forced me to go to God and work it out. It forced me to learn to forgive and give grace to others.
So many years have gone by and I look back and tell the story with tears in my eyes still. I share the story with people not because I hate God for allowing it, but because I love Him more for allowing it. I am thankful for all He taught me through it and is still teaching me.I often wonder if my faith would have become genuine had I not gone through what I did. I am thankful that God did not protect me from the hurt, but instead walked with me through it.
This is what I think for my kids. I don't want to protect them from the hurt and the pain that God might allow them to go through so that they can be closer to Him. I think as parents this is difficult, but last night I saw the blessing of letting my kids experience a little pain. Since my son started school we have had the opportunity to really teach life lessons to him. We have watched as his once so strong willed heart has softened to us and more importantly to God.
I know that there are many arguments for how we should school our children in the Christian world. I do not write this to state my argument, nor do I wish to entertain arguments about such things. I simply share this as my life experience I pray that it might encourage you today that it is not always a bad thing to experience pain if it brings us closer to God! We all experience pain in this world, it is up to us what we choose to do with it. We can harbor bitterness and a resentful spirit inside of us or we can choose to go to God with it and allow him to heal us and teach us!
No comments:
Post a Comment