Love is.......!

" Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek it's own, is not provoked; does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails!"

I Corinthians 13:4-8a

I am sure that everyone has heard these verses before, especially at weddings! We all love the idea of love being all these things. We often hold our spouse and those that are close to us accountable to these standards of love. Recently I have been quite challenged in my own heart about the way that I love others. I so often find myself being inpatient, unkind, jealous, acting unbecomingly, seeking my own way, provoked, harboring hurts, and so on and so on. 

 When I was growing up I had several girl friends that were close to my age. When we were 5 and 6 years old we all played together and enjoyed each other. A few years went by and that seemed to change. It was all about being best friends and you could only have one best friend. And if you didn't watch out your best friend could be stolen from you and you have to find a new one. It was a vicious game that as small girls we played. Our poor mothers probably didn't know what to do with us.We didn't learn until we were teenagers that we could all get along and we didn't have to have exclusive best friends.As I think back to this time in my life I see some humor in it, but it also makes me very sad. As young girls we wasted so much time competing with one another. It also makes me sad because even as a young adult female I see this still going on. Sadly I see so much of it in the "Christian world."

 I am not sure what it is like for a man, but I know for women it can be very difficult for us to treat each other with this kind of true love. We say that we love each other to each others faces, but then we act differently when the other one is not around. We speak unkindly about each other, we are so often jealous of one another. We are not patient with each others struggles and instead tear each other apart at the first sign of weakness. We want it our way when the other one disagrees with us. We say we will bear each others trails and endure life together, but when it comes right down to it we are only going to stick with you as long as you agree with us. 

 What a sad scenario we have so often created. I wonder what the "world" would think of us if we really loved each other. There is a song that says "They will know we are Christians by our love." Sadly I wonder if  the opposite is really the truth, they know we are Christians because of the way we devour each other. Today I pray that God will stop me from devouring other believers and help me to love them where they are at. Maybe the other person is wrong, maybe I am the one that is right, but I need to let God deal with their heart. I am responsible to be patient, kind, not jealous, not arrogant, not seeking my own, not provoked, not recording wrongs done to me, not rejoicing in unrighteousness, believes, hopes and endures the truth, and always loving to my fellow brother or sister in the Lord!

The Power of Pain!

 Last evening my husband was gone to a meeting, the kids and I were home. We had a a fun evening of reading, playing games and watching a little movie. It was time for bed and so off they went to get ready. I read them a couple of books and then began to pray with them. While I was praying my son begins to cry. I asked him why he was crying and he said, "I don't know I just love Jesus so much!" My heart was sad and glad all at the same time. I hate to see my children cry and yet this was amazing to see how soft his heart was to God. This is the boy who was born very strong willed. He was miserable to potty train. He told us, at the age of three, that he would poop on the floor, but not on the potty. I can laugh about it now, but then I was so frustrated. I remember one time he was sitting on the potty, and was his determined self, refusing to use it. I began to cry and said to God what am I to do with this child. If I cannot get him to use the potty how will I be able to get him through much harder things in life. So many times I have prayed these words to God. How will I be able to reach this child's heart. And then God just does it! My son is breaking, his strong will is fading and I am amazed at how God is doing it. Trust me it is not because of me, it is only God.
 A year ago my husband and I decided to put our son in public school. It is a decision that did not come easy and forces us to our knees very often. We felt like our children needed to learn to live in the world while they were still under our roof. I knew that sending him to public school would mean that he would learn things that I did not want him to learn. I knew he would learn about false religion, I knew he would learn some swears, and I knew that he would learn about sex a lot sooner than I really wanted him to. But we strongly felt God telling us to put him in public school, as opposed to Christian School or Home School.
 Over the last few months my heart has hurt and cried out to God. My son has come home with new words that we do not use, new attitudes that we do not have and has leaned the male and female body part names. Before you think it is all bad let me say that he has also learned how to read and write and count, so I can't say it is all bad. I think as a parent it is only natural to want to protect your child from sinfulness and hurt. We want our children to never experience pain and sorrow. The question that I want to ask is Does God do this with us? We are his children and does he always protect us from pain and sorrow? If your answer is yes I am amazed, because it was not this way for my life.
 As a teenager I went through a very painful experience. I knew Jesus as my Savior, but He did not stop this from happening to me. He allowed it to take place. Some would say we live in a fallen world and we cannot expect everything in life to go smoothly. I agree to a point, but let me tell you why I think God allowed this to happen to me. I believe that God loves me and that He wants me to grow closer to him and to trust Him more. When this happened in my life I was devastated! I felt helpless and there was no one to help me. I did know if I could trust God because I felt like He had let me down because my perfect little world had been disturbed. I thought that if you were a Christian that things would be perfect and they were for so many years. It was through this painful experience that my faith grew like never before. It forced me to go to God and work it out. It forced me to learn to forgive and give grace to others.
 So many years have gone by and I look back and tell the story with tears in my eyes still. I share the story with people not because I hate God for allowing it, but because I love Him more for allowing it. I am thankful for all He taught me through it and is still teaching me.I often wonder if my faith would have become genuine had I not gone through what I did. I am thankful that God did not protect me from the hurt, but instead walked with me through it.
 This is what I think for my kids. I don't want to protect them from the hurt and the pain that God might allow them to go through so that they can be closer to Him. I think as parents this is difficult, but last night I saw the blessing of letting my kids experience a little pain. Since my son started school we have had the opportunity to really teach life lessons to him. We have watched as his once so strong willed heart has softened to us and more importantly to God.
 I know that there are many arguments for how we should school our children in the Christian world. I do not write this to state my argument, nor do I wish to entertain arguments about such things. I simply share this as my life experience I pray that it might encourage you today that it is not always a bad thing to experience pain if it brings us closer to God! We all experience pain in this world, it is up to us what we choose to do with it. We can harbor bitterness and a resentful spirit inside of us or we can choose to go to God with it and allow him to heal us and teach us!

Wounds that need a Healer!

 Have you ever had one of those cuts that is so deep that it takes a long time to mend or maybe a broken bone that takes a long time to heal. When I was ten years old I broke my right hip. I was riding my bike to school when I hit a bump and lost control of my bike and landed at the bottom of a hill in extreme pain. Even though this was more than 20 years ago I still remember the pain. I think this is why I am such a baby about pain today! My mother took me to the hospital and after x-rays and what seemed like a very long wait the doctor came in to tell us I had a broken hip and that I would need surgery immediately. Some time later I woke up in a recovery room with three screws in my hip.

 My mother had to home-school me for a couple of months because the doctor did not want me going to school and risking another fall. I walked with crutches for three months or so and then I went to a cane for a few more months. I was so happy to go back to school and be with my friends! A year after my accident I had to have another surgery where they removed the screws from my hip. When they went to prep me for surgery they had hoped that they could make an incision where they had a year before to remove the screws, but they couldn't they had to make a new cut because I had grown and my skin had grown along with me. So now I have two rather large scars on the top on my right leg.

 When I think back to this situation I am reminded that just like a bone that is broken takes time to mend, so do wounds to our hearts. I don't know about you, but when I have been hurt I don't just wake up the next morning feeling lucky ducky! I hurt, I cry, I pray! I do this day after day after day! I beg God to take away my pain and to heal me! Sometimes it is only takes a few days, sometimes it takes weeks or even months for my soul to be healed.

 I share this because maybe you are like me and I want to say to you never give up. Always believe that God will bring complete healing. It may not be today and it may not be tomorrow, but it will come. And just like my body had grown in a year while my hip healed, I am reminded that my soul always grows while the Lord is healing it. When I choose to give my hurt to God I always end up stronger! I always end up with more faith in God and less faith in myself. I always end up receiving a whole lot of grace and learning to give grace where it is needed. So even though the wound was hard to bear I can say that after it is healed I am better than I was before I was ever wounded!

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

A time to remember!

 I try to keep a personal journal, I don't write in it everyday but at least once a month. Mostly I am writing to God in it or I may write about something that happened in my life that I don't want to forget about. Every month I like to go back and read what I wrote the year before or even the year before that. I like to see where I have been and how I have changed or grown in my walk with the Lord.

  Today I decided to look back to what I had written two years ago in February. These are some thoughts that I had written down that I was glad I had to read again.

 I John 1:5 "God is light and in Him is no darkness."
"So if God is light, He cannot think evil thoughts towards me, because that would be darkness. The truth is if God says He loves me than He loves me. He has never hated me, he has never rejected me, he has never let me down. "

 It is so good to remember this,because in this world we all suffer hurt. We all feel unloved by times. We all feel hated by times. We all feel rejected by times. But with God this is never true. Even at my worst God says He loves me and that He will always be with me.

 This was something else that I had written. "The more I am ok with my imperfections, realizing that I am not going to do things perfectly, the more I enjoy my relationship with God."

 I spent many years feeling like Christianity was all about doing the right thing, I only ended up wasting so many years trying to earn God's favor. It is not about what I have done, but what Christ has done. I actually got to a point in my relationship with God that I did not even enjoy it anymore. It was sad! I am thankful for His saving Grace. He rescued me and I love Him!

 This gives me great hope that He is not done with me yet. He has so much more for me to learn about Him. Who knows where I will be in another two years, but I am so thankful for what He has taught me in these last two. He is ever loving, ever patient, and ever faithful!

And the winner is......!

 As a young girl I remember that feeling of wanting to be as good or better at the things my friends were good at. I was not a tomboy, but I had a friend that was. She was so good at sports and making new friends and I was not. I was quiet and bashful! I was not all that athletic, but because my friend liked sports and could do well at them I tried. I tried softball, not such a good idea, if you are afraid of the ball hitting you. Haha!! I tried cross country, but I was almost always in last place. I tried tennis and actually really liked it, but not sure if I was really any good at it. Finally in High School I found my sport, I played volleyball and loved it. I was even pretty good at it, but a lot of my other friends were better at it than me. I remember feeling like "I wish I could be the star. I wish that people would think that I am the best player on the team."

 Now, of course, all that seems so silly. We were a team and we all played well, after all there is no "I" in team!!! Now I find myself at a different place in life. It is not about softball, cross country, tennis, or even volleyball anymore. It is about being a wife, mother, and child of God. I find myself still in the same predicament as earlier in my life. I am still competing in my head to be the best. I want everyone to look at me and say she is a great wife and loving mother and is the perfect child of God. But this my dear friend is only pride!

 God has called us to love one another and encourage one another. Not fight for 1st place, be willing to humble ourselves so that God would get all glory.

 Today I was reading in Genesis the story of Jacob, Rachel, and Leah. The sisters were always competing with one another. They despised one another. the sad part about it to me is that before they were Jacob's wives they were sisters. Maybe they never got along I don't know, but their jealousy of each other only destroyed their sisterhood. When I read this I thought, isn't that what I do with my competitive attitude? Am I only destroying the sisterhood that I have in Christ? God has blessed me with women and men in my life who are my spiritual sisters and brothers. He has given them to me to love and to encourage, not to compete with! He has given them to me so that I do not have to walk through this journey alone. Competition only destroys what the Lord has given me. I don't always see eye to eye with my fellow believers, but God says put aside your differences and focus on me and what I have for you. This journey is to difficult to do it alone, we need each other and we need to keep our focus on God.

 Today, my sisters and brothers in Christ, let us not compete with one another, but let us love and encourage one another. Let us be a team that together brings honor and glory to the Lord! Together we are stronger, together we can accomplish much in this world!

You........!!!!

" We will know by this that we are of the truth, and will assure our heart before Him in whatever our heart condemns us; for God is greater than our heart and knows all things."

I John 3:19,20

  My children will by times run through the house calling each other names, like you poopy face or you diaper. Don't ask me where they came up with these names because I have no idea. The younger one will almost always come to me and say he called me a ........! Usually I will say to her well, are you a .........? The answer of course is no, so I tell her that she needs to just ignore him and he will stop calling her that. Boys for some reason think it is funny to call others names. They don't really think that about the person they just think it is funny or so I am told. 

  These last few days I have been thinking about this scenario in my own life. I often feel like the choices I made or that people in my family made in the past define who I am. I am very self conscience about what people think of me and will spend days, weeks, and sometimes even months stressing about what I think other people perceive about me. Almost a year ago I had a really embarrassing moment that even to this day I will spend time being anxious  about. We were visiting a church in the area and the guest speaker pointed at me in the crowd and asked me a question, which I had no answer for. I felt so stupid, here I am the visiting missionary wife and I had no answer. I felt like everyone in the room must think I am stupid as well. To this day when I see people from that church I have anxiety over that situation. Thankfully I know the people in the church pretty well and they were all very gracious with me and even helped me find some humor in it.

  I tell you this story about me because it is a huge part of my life. By times I think it is all in the past and I am over it. I spend days working through it with God and find healing, but then something happens or I see someone and it triggers it all again. I want to crawl in a hole and never come out. Today as I was sitting and thinking why does this have to get to me every time and what is it God that you are trying to tell me I heard him say, "Well, are you.......?" 

  Some days I say the wrong thing and some days I do the wrong thing. I make bad choices or bad mistakes, but it does not define who I am. God defines who I am! I am His Child, His Princess. He says He loves me even when I feel so unlovable. He says I am beautiful even though I feel so ugly. He says that I am unique even though I feel like I need to be someone else. So today I am thankful that even though in my head I think and feel all those things, God does not think that about me!

Grace so Amazing!

 "Therefore the Lord longs to be gracious to you,and therefore He waits on high to have  compassion on you. For the Lord is a God of justice; how blessed are all those who long for Him. O people in Zion, inhabitant  in Jerusalem, you will weep no longer. He will surely be gracious to you at the sound of your cry; when He hears it,  He will answer you."

Isaiah 30:18,19

  Isn't it encouraging that today even though we may have already screwed up and done the wrong thing that God is waiting to be gracious with us and show us compassion. He promises that when we call out to Him, He will hears us  and He will answer us!

  Everyday I fail, everyday I make mistakes, and everyday that I forget that I have made a mistake my children usually remind me that I have! For instances, the other day, in a very gentle and sincere voice my son says to me "Mommy you get frustrated with people a lot!" Yikes that one hurt! But he is right, I do, and it is not right. So he and I talked about it and I had to apologize to my son. Afterwards I thought, wow, I really have a problem here! If  my five year old is seeing it and he is confronting me about it maybe I should listen. But you know I know that I cannot change this part of me on my own. I try, but I need help. I need a loving God to forgive me. I need a loving God to remind me that I did it again. I need a loving God to stop me before I even start. That is what God promises to do for us. He promises us grace and compassion when we call out to Him.

  I hope that today you find grace and compassion in the Lord! 

"If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness."

I John 1:9